Sunday, January 1, 2017

Was 2016 So Bad?

Trump is elected president.

The rights are on the rise.

King Bhumibol is dead. Fidel Castro is dead.

So is a lot of celebrities, writers, journalist, and huge guys in 2016. My favorites weren't as significant as Prince, Muhammad Ali or Christina Grimmie. It was Harper Lee and Umberto Eco. When the time comes, we feel like it's never enough.

But some people are luckier and still have time in their pockets, they are the dearest of my hearts.
I'm fortunate because they're alive. My parents and brother are fine, my grandparents are okay, my friends are confused (but alive), and I am doing well.

I'm grateful I still have time to help people around me, making my parents happy, taking care of my boyfriend when he needs me. Those things matter. And I'm blessed to have opportunities left before they're gone forever.

Being drunk and not getting hangover, impulsive holidays, weekend getaway, getting job done before deadline, a cup of morning coffee, comfort foods delivery, technology that keeps pampering us, living in Thamrin, romanticizing Jakarta past midnight drive, enjoying bus ride on a rainy day with my earphone on, John Mayer, having someone to cuddle, payday, Hamilton, they're all great.

I'm thankful, so thankful. So, was 2016 that bad? No, not so. But may next year will be better.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Gagal LPDP Dua Kali

"Zi lo bisa ikut LPDP lagi tahun depan, satu kali lagi."

Begitu bunyi pesan pendek yang gue terima tadi malam, dan gue cuma punya satu tanggapan dalam pikiran, "Ain't nobody got time fo dat."

Jadi gue sempat mengajukan beasiswa untuk kuliah magister luar negeri LPDP dua kali dan gagal dua-duanya di tahap wawancara. Pertama di bulan Mei 2015, kedua di bulan Agustus 2015. Gue menyiapkan dokumen sejak setahun sebelumnya, baik surat rekomendasi, essai, IELTS, SKCK, tes kesehatan (untuk bulan Agustus 2015), surat ini, surat itu, surat blablabla dan tentu saja dan Letter of Acceptance dari universitas. Gue mengantongi 2 unconditional LoA dari University of Leeds dan University of Southamptons. Ahey.

Kenapa gue gagal? Wallahualam. LPDP tidak memberitahu alasan mengapa masing-masing calon awardee gagal. Jadi semua yang akan gue tulis kemudian adalah konspirasi dan asumsi gue semata, oke.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Meragukan Kesaktian Tuhan

Semua temen gue tau kalo gue males ngomong tentang keimanan gue. Bukan soal agama gue loh, keimanan merupakan sesuatu yang terlalu pribadi untuk dibagi ke sembarang orang. Gue masih yakin kalo Yesus itu Tuhan, tapi yang mau gue omongin bukan itu. 

Di abad 21 ini gue jarang nemu orang beragama yang tersinggung karena agamanya diomongin. Karena gue emang ga berteman dengan mereka. Yang sering gue temukan adalah kami yang saling menghina, atau karena gue adalah pihak penyinggung, dan yang tersinggung bergeming tak mengurusi urusan duniawi layaknya martir syurga.

Sudah menjadi pandangan umum bahwa agama itu urusan masing-masing pribadi sama Tuhannya. Mau muja Yesus kek, Leonardo di Caprio kek, pohon kek, sama aja. Apapun kata gue mereka akan tetap menjadi Tuhan setidaknya buat lo, dan gue yakin kesaktian mereka ga bakal berubah karena perbuatan siapa-siapa. Mereka akan tetap sakti, apapun yang isi bumi katakan tentang mereka.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Nota di Tempelan Kulkas

kita berbagi hanya satu-dua kecup
hangat yang sementara itu cukup
patah hati masih bisa hidup
jangan sampai usia juga menutup

dan kukira,
tak akan ada esok lagi untuk kita
tapi semua akan baik-baik saja
yang itu tak kuterka

kata orang mati satu tumbuh seribu bukan?
tapi ya begitu
harus mati dulu.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

(In)Tangible.

What are words?
Words are some letters without space. It has some meaning to it. Some words has a single meaning, some has many. You use it to form a more complex meaning out of sentences.

What is action?
Action is the thing you do with an objective, or some. Sometimes you do it just because, but it also counts.

What are words for?
Eternalizing the past.
Dreaming the future.

What is action for?
You do it in hoping for some result in your head, don't you?

Are words meant to be let out?
I guess not everytime.

Is action better than words?
Maybe. A man of his words, they say.

But they say a stand up comedian who acts out is cheap!
Agree to disagree.

What shapes our history?
Action, clearly.

How do we know our history?
Words, distinctly.

Do you lie with action?
Try me.

Do you lie with words?
Duh.

Do you play with history?
Bear with it.

Are you playing with words?
Isn't it the most exciting thing in the world?

History doesn't shape itself without action.
But when words fail to execute, it never happened.

When you did something but no one knows, did it happen?

Did it?



2016.02.24, 1.49a.m -- kamar.